In fact, reflect on an occasion when you had something to say, something important or vulnerable to share, and you knew you had the full attention of the other person.

That level of attention, when you know the other person is really listening to you, makes you feel valued. It makes you feel safe, understood, and important. Being heard validates you.

Now think about a time when you had something to say, but you didn’t get that level of attention. The other person was distracted, looking at their phone, clearly thinking about something else, or mentally lining up their response without acknowledging your words.

You felt ignored, diminished, and inconsequential. Their inability or unwillingness to really hear you felt like a slap in the face.

Unfortunately, the art of being a good listener is becoming more and more of a lost art. Face to face and even phone conversations are no longer the primary way we communicate. The gatekeepers of our interactions are the computer and cell phone where we email or text in terse, abbreviated, and frequently misunderstood communique.

Good listeners can . . .

1. improve relationships in their personal and professional lives, as people tend to like those who listen to them;

2. better solve problems for others and themselves;

3. learn different points of views to broaden their own perspective;

4. retain more important information which is useful for life and career success;

5. make decisions easily because they have more information at their disposal;

6. avoid conflicts and misunderstandings, as they gain more clarity through listening well;

7. increase their confidence because they have access to information and can pass it on to others.

8. Remove or avoid distractions.

9. Watch for non-verbal communication and tone of voice.

10. Be the mirror.

11. Empathize, sympathize, and show interest.

12. Practice silence.

13. Ask probing questions.

14. Don’t interrupt or change the subject.

15. Think before responding.